The Will to Live from a Dying Man: Thoughts and Feelings about My Recent Lost

My grandfather recently passed away after days of holding on. Being 2,000 miles away I kept asking how he was doing and everyday I was told this could be the night. After a few nights of thoughts, Becky and I decided to just go to Detroit. We flew in and visited my grandfather in the
hospital, the smell of death was in the room, but he kept on fighting. A few hours later my older brother got into town and visited, and a few more hours after that, as my mom witnessed the room turned chilly cold, and he took his last breath. Two things come to my mind; 1) He waited until my brother and I got to see him, or I should say God didn't take him home until... and 2) The Angel of Death is cold. I have heard many times that rooms got cold before someone has died.
Thinking back as I write this it feels weird that my grandpa is dead. Memories have hit me in the strangest places and the most unique times. It makes me miss him just so much more. As a human we are so selfish. It is so hard to let go. Even though I know he is not suffering and is in Heaven. I guess we just need faith to get through all of this. I guess I just been so lucky, up to this point, I had all of my grandparents and even a great grandparent. The last time I had a death in my immediate blood line (not counting Becky's side) was in 2001. That was when I was a fourth year student. The death before that I was a Junior in High School. The first funeral I can remember going to was when I was a fourth grader. This is all to the best of my memory can recall.


During the funeral I held it together pretty good, that is until the Army Color Guard presented the Flag to my grandma and "Taps" was playing. "Taps" is an interesting story how it came around and how it means so much. Maybe because that gesture made it real or because what that meant? My grandfather was a draftee in WWII. He saw a lot of action, was in active combat for more than 100 days without relief. He received the Purple Heart for being shot by a sniper. He saw a lot of his friends die. The strangest thing to think about is that he took lives. Something that is unbearable to think he was able to do that. Maybe it is the respect, that three men part of the Army who never knew my grandpa, that was shown. Or how they stood in Salute in the parking lot as the Flag was carried past them. The memories that come back.


In the Bible Jesus experienced a lost a few times, but, after he found out that John the Baptist was beheaded he (Matthew 14:13) withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. John was a friend and a family member. Jesus needed to get away (even though the crowds followed). So I got away also. Ok, I was going to get away no matter what for last weekend, but this lost justified it all. Our Youth Ski retreat is what I needed. Although Becky and Trevor were not there, other people were. I was able to get my mind off of my grandfather and the pain that was in my heart. I was in the presence of God's beauty, how can you be sad? I got to meet new people, which is always a cool thing. The main question for our Bible Study was what does Retreat mean. To me retreat means withdraw and heal. I am lifted up to know I do not need to worry and that I am happy that my grandfather withdrew to God and he is healed.